Reflections of a mother in ZION

Crazy life. Crazy wife. Something Mom. What rhymes with life and wife and kids? Anyway....I can't stand looking at the last date I wrote a blog post. Because that was 4 mind-blown months ago!!!! Where in the world?

Reflections of a Mother in Zion; or at least trying to be :)  Many things have been going through my mind lately as I deal with the hormonal estrogen-infused mayhem that is my life with 2 pubescent daughters. Contention and screaming and crying are a WAY OF LIFE. And it doesn't help that a hormone-crazed, temper-tantrum prone Mommy is at the helm of this ship   (Shhhhh.......I didn't just admit that I am part of the problem here. )

These 2 articles/lists pertaining to motherhood and all its crazed glory (incidentally BOTH posted on "the Facebook" by one of my 3rd cousins wives whom I've never met) have gotten me pondering muchly. One is just a link--sorry, you'll have to go look at it yourself ;)

1st link  I like the one about swallowing the bath water and spitting it back in--ahhh to have THAT sort of thing be my BIGGEST worry



#2
For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round of sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.

For those days. You know the ones.

Repeat after me:

1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.

2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.

3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.

4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.

5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.

13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.

15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.

16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.

18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.

... with love from one tired mother to another.

This is all Peachy-dandy-king. But my memories of having only children under the age of 5 are just that--memories. Ones which make me WISH to have those days back of wiping noses, changing diapers, wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday, and the biggest fight amongst my kiddos being who gets to play first/most/and on what. There were no "I hate you's" and "You don't care about me" and wondering when this H-E-double hockey sticks would end. 

Pray and Read scriptures as a family daily. DONE.  Family Home Evening each week. DONE. Church every Sunday. DONE. Mutual for my 12-year-old each week. DONE. Temple trips. DONE. Family time. DONE.      THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY!!

Ok. Ranting done. I feel I am turning away friends by my constant barrage of  "This is my plight." But there are no mommies exchanging question/answer sessions on facebook or articles with tidy little lists provided for moms of TWEENS. So I feel like I am running a race in life right now--and losing! And most days-- I Just. Don't. Wanna. Run. Anymore.

Am I the only one? Are there no other LDS moms in my same boat I can talk to that would truly understand what I am experiencing? Church is painful sometimes. It appears as though I am the only one. Other Moms put their arms around their daughters and talk happily with them and laugh. I get up and leave when she sidles up next to me to apologize for that mornings tidal wave of screaming. How do I get my relationship back with my tweens? The same one I currently have with my 5-year-old twins? You know, the one where you hover over them like a mother hen to protect them and they don't shove you away? The one where you can't wait to see them after school and hear about their day without the fear of having to solve yet another issue or reaffirm, yet again, how beautiful and smart she is despite what the kids at school said? The one where you don't have to remind her to not be so judgmental and opinionated about EVERYONE (especially her teacher. The holier-than-thou mentality is gonna bite her in the bum someday) The one where they are still innocent. 

I guess in my mind, anyone can mother babies and toddlers, because there is an endless stream of comments and advice and blog posts and articles to encourage and motivate them. But that sort of dies off when they become tweens. They grow before you can blink and the jet lag a parent experiences when THEY get to that stage and you're STILL NOT THERE---well, there is no parent boarding time for this flight. If you were not on the plane already when your child boards--GOOD LUCK.  I guess I have not transitioned very well between the two. And the difference between those two age groups is enough to knock anybody off their rocker. 

I have to chuckle at the Mom's who are posting their statuses about mothering young children and the demanding task it is. I WISH for those days again, and the next stage will make them wish for it too.

First Day of School   July 15, 2013

Isabel, Kinder
Olivia, Kinder

Emma, 7th

Abbey, 5th

Year to Date

3 months

1/4 of the year

86 out of 365 days

 Gone. 

And I haven't blogged.

End of December--Abbey's b-day. Double digits. And she is the only one who traditionally goes out to eat ON her birthday. Mostly because she gets kinda jilted having her special day 3 days after Christmas. So we started it to make her feel special--something that only she gets to do. This year we went to Little Anthony's and she got sandwich kissed by the waiters.

 Owl themed party. And the cupcake flavors?

Butterbeer with Butterscotch ganache and Butterscotch buttercream (Harry Potter)
Red Velvet with Cream Cheese
Carrot with Cream Cheese
Snickerdoodle with Marshmallow
Raspberry Lemonade
Chocolate with Salted Caramel Buttercream

 JANUARY brings Science Fair Projects---yeck! Hated them as a kid. Hate them even more now.

Emma grew plants to music. Christmas music won

Abbey made butter. The Bensings came for dinner and helped us with a blind taste test and a survey to vote for the butter. Shaking in a jar won.


FEBRUARY brought the twins' birthday and consequently Valentine's Day. And it happened to coincide with field trip day for our little Mom's group preschool. I took my turn teaching so that the field trip fell on their birthday. My topic was Our body and the trip to the hospital didn't work out so we went to Reid Park and had a birthday party. Daddy brought pizza and a Valentine/B-day gift for the girls. And my froggy with chocolate.They got tons of clothes at their actual birthday party. Apparently we didn't take pictures. 6 varieties of cupcakes for their party were Red Velvet (cream cheese), Cherry Limeade, Banana Pudding, Butter Pecan, Chocolate with Bacon and chocolate buttercream, and Chocolate with Butterfinger buttercream.

Aunt Margo graced us with her presence a couple times and stayed for a few days each time. It was wonderful!

ANNNNDDDDDD..............the Superbowl! Yeah that's a sore topic in our home now. We had a bet going from a high school friend that if the 49ers lost Bro. Mo. would have to eat a Cowboys cookie (that is her team; even though the Ravens were playing) And if the Ravens lost, she would have to eat a 49ers cookie. 

 MARCH has been a big month. Emma starred in her school musical--School House Rock Jr. I had no idea she was so talented in that way. I've heard her sing at home or along with the radio, but to do that well in front of an audience, etc. She surprised us all with her raw talent. IT WAS AMAZING!!!! We all (Grandma and Grandpa Anderson, Gammy, Great-Grandma, Aunt Margo and Bill and the girls and I) sat there watching with jaws dropped wide open. The perfectly pitched singing with the perfect volume and the dancing and choreography. We are looking forward to a long exciting acting career in her future.

Another preschool field trip was to the historic Post Office. They were read a story, got to color their own postcard and mail it to anyone they wanted and design a bookmark with the huge amounts of old stamps. And then choose their own stamps to take home.

We have the missionaries over at least once a week for dinner. And our ward has 4 elders, so it gets to be a big deal food-wise. But we love it!!! One night they decided to jump on the trampoline. Another time they got ahold of the mop Aunt Margo had used earlier and were mopping the patio. Elder Davidson went out to help :)

2 week Spring Break. Mom doesn't do so well with all 4 home when I have gotten so used to the school routine. Took me a couple days to switch over to the break routine. And we have a day in Phoenix planned for Friday so they get to do SOMETHING during break besides chores, pulling weeds and babysitting their little sisters while I go to work M-F 7-11. Although, we have gone to the zoo and the library as rewards for being good and just 'cuz I feel bad that they stayed at home so much.

We finally got a start on our backyard now that we have been in the house 3 years next month. {sigh}  Bought new patio furniture, installed rope lighting around the inner patio ceiling and installed an nice outdoorsy-looking ceiling fan/light. And we built a sandbox using this tutorial--Easter Bunny came early for Izzy and Livvy

And Bro. Mo. and I celebrated anniversary #13!!!    Doesn't seem possible. But I can honestly say that marriage only gets better over time. So--bring on eternity!!

Christmas morning 2012

Well.............the twins are older now and more likely to sneak out of their room and spy on the goods. That happened and nothing irks me more! So some yelling occurred and Mom was grumpy and sad coming down Christmas morning because plans had been "ruined!" because I didn't get to see their true reactions. Retrospect???? Silly me. As usual, I don't focus on the things that truly matter.

 ALL she asked for or cared about was a new dog from Santa. She now carries and takes that thing EVERYWHERE. And has left it places a few times. She has also painted its "nails" black.

 Bikes from Santa. Sad that my older girls didn't learn to ride a bike till the ages of 10 and 11. But hey--sometimes age works in our favor; only took me about 1/2 hr to teach them both :)

Christmas Eve 2012

Christmas Eve at Gammy and Gampy's house

This year Aunt Nina insisted on taking tons of family pix. These are just the tip of the iceberg.

 The Morgan cousins with Gammy and Gampy

 Wearing the Michael Jackson hat

All clad in Christmas jammies

Family photos. December 2012

Finally got family pix done with the twins "out" of my tummy. Hee Hee

2013 Goals

I told myself last night to post on my blog on this first day of the new year. Did I? Nope. Spent the time instead, trying to inch a little further on reaching our BIGGEST goal for the new year---Finding Bro. Mo. a new job. He finally finished his Bachelors in October after 3 1/2 years.

 (So.... Tucson is not a mecca. Salt Lake City, Phoenix area and other spots are now being considered.)

Others on my list of goals?

Daily personal scripture reading and prayer (I have been soooo bad at this for years)

Weekly FHE. Going to make a list of monthly themes so Bro. Mo. and I can more easily prepare

Monthly temple trips and date nights

Paint the living room (of course, part of me is wanting to wait, seeing whether we are going to stay in this house or not)

Work on some debt. Tax return will help us with some of it. Stupid DELL account

Journaling

I'm not gonna make losing weight a goal. I have kept off the 15 lbs. I lost in the first few months of last year, and for now that is ok. For now.

Just looking forward to this year. Big changes ahead for us. Twins will start Kindergarten in July. Emma will enter Young Women's.  And, of course the job. Which is scary to me. The not-knowing. The possibility of having to leave our first home (owned. this is DEFINITELY not our first move)  And celebrating lucky        #13-- anniversary-wise.

Cowboy -- 6 dozen

COWBOY baby shower. Stressed about these just because the recipient (Alta :) is so amazing at everything.  Needed them to be perfect. 

Monkey cookie order

These were for a baby shower that a co-worker was throwing for her friend. She just said monkeys. I asked if she wanted to add a couple trees or something. I should have done a couple bananas too. Oh well. An order for 6 dozen coming up--that one I am going to have to go find some more cutters for--not doing 6 dozen cookies by hand.

Abbey and Locks of Love

It took way longer than it should have to get an appointment made for her to donate her hair. Would have been nice to know BEFORE I took her to the JC Penney free haircut appt that salons are no longer supposed to submit hair for Locks Of Love. That people are just supposed to do it themselves according to the LOL website directions. Well, that is why it took me so long to make the appt in the first place. I didn't want to pay for a haircut that I could just do myself for free. Lesson learned. Now her hair is still sitting in the bag the salon gave us,waiting for me to get around to sending it in. She LOVES it and she is so adorable with the new cut. (Would have been nice if the before pic had actually been brushed--;)

Recent cookie orders

These Baby shower cookies were for a co-worker. Luckily she got a pic on her phone before her older kids ate them all :)  Baby faces, onesies, bibs, bottles, and squares with sayings.

The "Elmo's" and "2's" were for a friend for her grandson's 2nd birthday party. They even got to make the trip from Tucson to LA. 

"The only routine I want is to not have one." ~Nora Morgan

I'm not what one might consider a "routined" person. I am more of a spontaneous person. Summer in our school district only lasts a month and a half. So, school came abruptly. Barely any time, I felt to prepare. School of choice for Emma's first year in middle school was not to be. Boundary changes made us have to go to a plan B that I did not know existed until it had to exist. Now routine is a necessary part of life. And this new school is so hard-core that our normal routines of FHE or scripture study at night have been put on a back burner too many times as we enforce the constant homework that Emma has. If she forgets one item--SSR reading book, PE clothes, any homework, a pencil. etc on any day she stays after school the following day. And she has homework in EVERY subject. EVERY day. Plus 30 min reading log, plus after school Band and Drama and Achievement days. So most days not getting home until 5:30 and then having 3 hours of homework has put us in a stressful, argument-inducing, routine-stricken state. 

So--I must re-strategize. Time management has been on my mind lately. And my visiting teachers put an idea in my head this morning that aids in my own personal struggle with time management. So I am going to either plug my phone into the phone jack of the new van (I guess I should have posted about that earlier than this) and stream scriptures or buy the scriptures on CD. And we will listen to them as we drive to the bus and wait for busses in the morning. Maybe that, at least, can help me establish a healthy routine I need.

First day of school July 16, 2012--Emma--6th grade.   Abbey--4th grade